Reflection #4: Buddhist Meditation

When I started the silent mediation at a place where I wasn't being disturbed at, I felt it quite suprising how different it was from the meditating activity I did in MRE class. Using the breathing process where i took deep breaths in and out and closing my eyes, I started to be able to concentrate and be focused. As I closed my eyes, I do not see anything so this helped me to gain better concentration on the spot. At this moment, many things came up to my mind. And what I have realised was that, the most thoughts and images that I had in my mind are all family related.I guess the reason why is because family means a lot in my life. Maybe the truth to my life is the relationships and bonds with my family. This is because while I was in the meditating process, the family images started to all refresh in my mind, together with the past memories. I thought about my 3 grandparents especially and there was a definite change of my mood and feelings. I started to have a deep sense of guilt that I wasn't able to go to any of their funerals due to the fact that I stayed so far away from Indonesia and because of school, I couldn't fly back just for them.To be honest, I really cannot believe how I felt throughout the 20 minutes of meditation because there were times when I felt happy and there were times when I felt upset. It's not just about the right concentration for me but there was a strong change of feeling and my mood too which I find very unusual. Not only those, but throughout the whole time when my eyes were fully shut, they never stopped blinking and my eyes just felt like it had to tremble which I find very hard to control. However what amazes me is what I see through closing my eyes wasn't just nothing. I could see some shades of white lights at times. I was thinking that this had to do with the fact that I'm a buddhist. I was actually meditating! That's why I could see lines.Overall, this mediation process was really effective especially I never expected I had so much thing going on during the meditating process.It was also different than when I did meditating in class because when we did it, there were too much influence from other peers and distractions that unable me to control my mind.